Tuesday, June 29, 2010

You came and lay a cold compress upon the mess I'm in, 
threw the window wide and cried, "Amen! Amen! Amen!" 
The whole world stopped to hear you hollering, 
you looked down and saw now what was happening.

The lines are fading in my kingdom, though I have never known the way to border them in
So the muddy mouths of baboons and sows and the grouse and the horse and the hen 
grope at the gate of the looming lake that was once a tidy pen. 
and the mail is late and the great estates are not lit from within, 
the talk in town's becoming downright sickening

In due time we will see the far butte lit by a flare
I've seen your bravery, and I will follow you there
And row through the nighttime
Gone healthy, gone healthy all of a sudden
In search of the midwife who could help me, 
who could help me, help me find my way back in, 
and there are worries where I've been

Say, say, say in the lee of the bay; don't be bothered
Leave your troubles here where the tugboats shear the water from the water
(Flanked by furrows, curling back, like a match held up to a newspaper)
Emily, they'll follow your lead by the letter
And I make this claim, and I'm not ashamed to say I know you better
What they've seen is just a beam of your sun that banishes winter

Let us go! Though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
The ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever
Though there is nothing would help me come to grips with a sky that is gaping and yawning
There is a song I woke with on my lips as you sailed your great ship towards the morning


Emily, Joanna Newsom

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Bank Woes.

Recently I was swindled out of $175 big ones... $70 of which went to PROCESSING FEES. First of all, HSBC's slogan is "The World's Local Bank!" and they have literally three branches/ ATMs on the West Coast, which put us in an extremely irritating position for those three tent-filled months in California. Secondly, I am not supposed to be able to overdraw. Thirdly, every time I go in I can see their scales poking out of the top of the zippers of their human costumes, which is just gross and also bad showmanship.

Here is a brief re-enactment of my adultyish banking career
Me: "Hello there, Mr. Banker. I have just turned eighteen and would like to open a checking account at your fine establishment."
Banker: "Blarghghdhfdhghghhghghg hissssssssss"
Me: "A Student Checking Account? Sounds wonderful! But... no interest?"
Banker: "Harrhghghhfhfhghhgh"
Me: "Instead of earning interest, I won't be able to overdraw my account? Sounds wonderful!!"
Banker: "Mlarrghghghhhhhghghhhh :E"
Me: "Haha, okay! Have a wonderful day!"
Banker: "Blargggg"
Three Years Later
Internet Banking: "!!!!!!!NEGATIVE $175 IN YOUR ACCOUNT!!!! YOU OVERDREW FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!! AND WE WAITED TO PROCESS THESE OTHER PURCHASES SO NINE MILLION MORE FEES!!!!!!!! AND NO SOUP FOR YOU!"
Me: "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!"

Long story short, I overdrew my account, marched to the bank to demand it be taken off, and the banker sat me down and told me that it's time to grow up, that when I graduate from college and find a real job then maybe I would stop overdrawing my account. Then he tried to make me feel bad, telling me that he couldn't give me back the money he STOLE from me because it directly affected the branch. I asked him if it came out of his paycheck or the paycheck of any of the other employees working at that HSBC. He said, "Technically, no, it doesn't affect my paycheck at all but.." that money goes toward his yearly bonus. And all the while sitting there in his Armani suit with his painstakingly styled and gelled frat boy bedhead hairstyle.. breathing fire... acting like my grandfather when he couldn't have been more than nine years older than I am.
A Highlight
Banker: "You know, we're really trying to move away from clients like you."
Me: "........Doesn't it benefit the bank when I overdraw?"
Banker: "Well. Yes. But..."

Evil scummy bastards.
Maybe I'll wrap my cat up in a baby blanket and go back in there and make him feel REALLY bad about refusing to give me my money back even though I told him I couldn't afford food, or gas to get to work this week.
i am hungry

Friday, April 16, 2010


backyard this morning

Thursday, April 15, 2010

BY the way. Vajazzling? WTF?

http://nyc.lifebooker.com/getloot/vajazzling

okay. this is where i draw the line. shaving, fine. waxing, whatever. tie-dyed pubic hair, awesome. but this? this is just nonsense. i refuse to believe people would actually pay someone to hot glue rhinestones to their vagina. if more than no people actually have this done i will scream and burn down garbo's.

catchy name though. vajazzling. kind of like appethaizing. enjoy your pad thai! theenks.
the soil in my yard made my hands smell like vinegar.
tonight i saw a ghost on the highway and it surprised me so much i stopped short in the middle of 81, was almost rear-ended and my ghostly pally was swallowed up by the light of passing cars. this is the second thing like this in two months (if you don't count that trippy car ride home in the fog a few weeks ago but everything looked like a ghost that night). i hope that chiricahuan apparition hasn't followed me back here to ghost central, ny to hang with all its buddies, although i suppose i would understand.

right now my entire life here in syracuse feels like the end - tying up loose ends, no new beginnings, just finishings. it doesn't feel bad; instead i feel calm - the hardest part is over, after all. it's strange to feel this way in spring, in the deepening green of the grass as the leaves poke their heads out so fast you could almost sit and watch their childhoods unfold in the space of one sunny afternoon.
it's nice to be able to enjoy these things without feeling like a beatup tree myself, waiting for the rain and my hair to grow back. one winter away and i'm not sure i can ever endure another.

actually i'm amazed at how calm i am, life has been pretty much a total shit show since i've been back. things don't seem so bad when you've got your own bed to sleep in.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

 

ada, i can hear the sound of your laugh through the wall

*not taken by me

I'm starting a garden. I have: yarrow, rosemary, sage, lemon thyme, violas and a wormwood plant that has been nothing but trouble from day one.

The other night I drove home in the rain, pouring rain hitting my windshield when suddenly it stopped, the road was dry, I thought I was insane. I had a dream the fog turned purple and swirled and Orion was flickering on and off in the sky above me, a sure sign of strange things to come.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

tombstone, az

Friday, March 12, 2010



I found a little plot of land
in the garden of eden
it was dirt and dirt is all the same

I tilled it with my two hands
and I called it my very own
There was no one to dispute my claim

Well, you'd be shocked at the state of things
The whole place had just cleared right out
It was hotter than hell, so I lay me by a spring
For a spell as naked as a trout

The wandering eye that I have caught
Is as hot as a wandering sun
But I will want for nothing more, in the garden
To start again
In the hardening of every new heart but one

Meet me in the garden of Eden,
Bring a friend, we are going to have a time
We have are going to have a garden party,
It's on me, no sir-e, it's my dime

We broke out hearts in the war between
St. George and the dragon
But both in equal parts are welcome to come along
To come along, I'm inviting everyone

Farewell, to loves that i have known
Even muddiest as waters run
Tell me what is meant by sitting alone in a garden,
Seceded from the Union in the year of '81?

The unending amends you made
Are enough for one life, be done
I believe in innocence, little darling, start again
I believe in everyone

I believe, regardless, I believe in everyone 
 
- Joanna Newsom

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Hi again,
we've made it out of California and I have cement in my sinuses. It was a little surprising we actually did make it out of ca. It's almost absurd how beautiful and wonderful it is there.
I actually realized something weird about east coasters that I never really noticed until I realized I was being super rude somehow and couldn't understand why.. But people on the west coast don't really interrupt each other, they don't really talk over one another.. I'm actually not entirely sure how they interact because I'd forget what I was thinking before the other person was finished. I didn't even really consider it interrupting, necessarily.

Anyway people seemed to like us okay despite our abrasive interrupting new York ways. A lot of people treated us like we were these snow creatures from a different planet but everyone was nice about it so i didn't mind.

We are now in bowie, Arizona visiting Dennis and Brian at the Buddhist school/ commune/ monastery called diamond mountain where they're studying and workng. Dennis came out here for a full term and to build cabins for the monks, but Brian was just traveling like us, visited Dennis and ended up staying three weeks. It's a pretty cool place.. Free study, free yoga classes, free food, free camping. I'm pretty sure longterm students have to do some sort f workstudy but from what I hear it's pretty minimal.
I've attended two yoga classes which were pretty awesome but this damn sinus infection has put me pretty much out of commission. Here in the desert it's hot(ish.. Pretty bearable actually unless you're in a tent and the wind has ceased to blow..) and freezing, FREEZING at night. It actually snowed last night, believe it or not. And I am too small for my zero degree sleeping bag so my first night camping was pretty unbearable. I shivered all night, finally fell asleep, and then woke up at ten, hot, dehydrated and hyperventilating. Ouch. Dennis and his housemate, a monk named Venerable Phil, have been nice enough to let me sleep in the house.

Christian and Dennis climbed the mountain yesterday where Geronimo went on his vision quest/ spirit journey. I was sick and still recovering from my hellish night in the tent so I stayed in the m.a.s.h. style tent on the campus for three hours reading little women and cursing my nasal and bronchial passages. Christian came back and said it'd be too hard for me to climb so I'm going to go climb it. It was my idea anyway to go, the bastahd.

Headed to Sedona soon where there are energy vortexes and weird stuff
last night heading home to Bowie, Brian and I saw a white thing shoot straight up into the sky from the ground, which was weird and hard to explain.
Very much love to you all,
Jackie


Ps Justin we need to talk soon about that blog of yours ;)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

san diego, which of course in german means "whale's vagina"

whats up, arrived today in san diego. i hate to say it but i think my cold tolerance has dropped to southern california levels. ouch. returning to syracuse isn't going to be pretty, but hopefully it'll be warm and disgusting by the time we get back.

sooo, last time i updated we were just leaving santa barbara? we got to la, my cousin very nicely put us up in the marriott which was... amazing after sleeping on couches and the ground (both of which are nice, actually. i've come to appreciate any place to sleep that's safe, except the hotels are spoiling me like crazy). pool AND a hot tub? AND a private bathroom?! really awesome, plus it was a lot of fun hanging out with my cousin. we live so far away from all relatives, being in syracuse, which never really bothered me when i was a kid probably because i didn't know anything else, but as i'm getting older it kind of sucks not having grown up around family. suddenly i'm finding out all sorts of stuff i never knew before haha. it's cool though, better late than never.

and now i'm going to go watch malcolm in the middle with a couchsurfer. arizona on saturday to see dennis! peace

Thursday, February 25, 2010

ps

Dick Cheney has fifth heart attack, only two horcruxes remaining.

here Caroline

Hiii
so this is me making a formal apology for being probably the worst blogger in the history if the universe... Travel allows very little time alone and plus writing a blog from a cell phone is just annoying. My hand already sort of hurts from typing all this.

So when I left off we were starting out in San Francisco. For the first few nights we stayed in berkeley with a very nice couchsurfer named Michael who spoke lots of different languages snd took us to some of the best Thai food I've had... And really different from appeThaizing. Cali's Thai food seems to be a lot more authentic than what we eat in ny.

San Fran was fun but I'll keep it short and sweet... We drank champagne on a street corner, slept on the beach which we thought would be fun but was just sketchy because we were in a city and sandy and damp because we were literally 2ft away from the ocean... Everyone everyone in sf thought we were homeless because of our bags so we got some not so nice treatment in stores and restaurants.
Actually, this trip so far has really given me a lot of perspective on what it is to be homeless, whether actually homeless due to necessity, or travelers like we are. It is extremely extremely hard to live off the board, especially in a big city where people pretend not to see you except to make you feel unwelcome. There are very few public restrooms and drinking fountains and one night when Christian and I were walking big sur in the pouring rain and had ticks and there was no shoulder on the road (and did I mention it was pouring?) not a single person slowed down to see if we were okay.
It's weird because I understand the reasoning for avoiding the homeless, because you never know what someone will do, especially if desperate, but it's sad it has to be that way. And it doesn't, not really. And many people you'll meet have a story. We met a man in a coffeeshop in San Luis obispo who I'm pretty sure was god, but he had been homeless before and even now was treated as though homeless due to his long beard and single long long dreadlock running down his back, but he was an ordained Buddhist monk and an architect. Anyway.

After sf we went to Santa Cruz and couchsurfed with some awesome people living on land they were in the process of turning into an organic farm, and they had two mini-goats and a little creek in back with a rope swing and whatnot. Santa cruz was an awesome awesome place, almost didn't want to leave.

But we did and biked all the way to Monterey which is 40 miles! But forty miles proved too ridiculous for us and we ended up ditching the bikes in big sur. Nothing all too special happened in monterey, we were too poor to go to the aquarium and there isn't much else to do, but we stayed there waaaay too long, mostly because we were recovering from our bike trip but also because we just could not figure out the travel thing. We almost bought a car until we realized that would be stupid. We took the bus the 20 miles to big sur.

On the bus we met two crazies who told us all about big sur and what to see, which ended up in us walking fifteen miles in the dark and the rain to get to this place we weren't entirely sure existed
but sure enough, at 12:45am we arrived at esalen, where fifteen minutes later a woman with an Australian accent came riding up the hill in a go cart and took us down to the natural hot springs that were right on the edge of the cliff, overlooking the ocean.
It was all very surreal, maybe because Christian and I both fell asleep in the tubs and had to be woken up. Anyway we didn't have anywhere to camp, not realizing in advance that highway one through big sur is surrounded on one side by cliffs going up and on the other side by cliffs going down.. To the ocean. The esalen people felt sorry for us so they told us of a common area for esalen people about a mile and a half up the road where we could sleep.
We got there and walked up to one of the buildings where we found an old woman with a broken nose and toe smoking out of a bong behind a bamboo screen. I assume she was the caretaker but she felt sorry for us (I guess we looked pretty pathetic) and kept saying "bless you, bless you" and let us stay there. On big comfy couches after a hard night of tick bites and walking and a week of straight camping before then during which I accidentally set myself on fire trying to get a campfire started. Lohveleh.

And then (sorry mom)we woke up and hitched a few rides OUT of big sur with some of the nicest people- an older man who is a therapist who also has an organic farm in Hawaii that is always looking for people to go help out (wwoof) and a nice older couple who took us 80 miles to san Luis obispo, I think because they were worried about us and didn't want anyone scary picking us up, which was nice and certainly appreciated, especially because we covered 90 miles in one day, which was unexpected. But although I had such a good experience hitchhiking, I'm not pushing my luck, and from what I hear the 1 is a relatively safe place to hitchhike (especially through big sur because it's mostly tourists driving through) and we were safe, buuut I'm not going to do anymore hitchhiking on this trip.
Anyway after fifteen miles of walking in the rain with 100 more to go til civilization, you'll find your mind opens up to hitchhiking just a little bit. We're getting a 60 day greyhound bus pass for this coming leg of the journey.

We're in Santa Barbara now, staying with some of phil grajko's friends who were nice enough to have us, and headed to la as soon as Christian wakes up.

I'll try to be a better blogger in the future I swear

love and well wishes
Jackie

Friday, February 5, 2010

greetings earthlings

so, we landed safely in sunny california, which at the time was locked into a state of emergency, the streets underwater from this torrential downpour, complete with people screaming, dogs stuck in canals, the whole shebang. luckily it had stopped raining by the time our train pulled into the emeryville train station, not that it mattered to me since i was going straight to the bosom of my family up in tuolumne, california, but all the same it was nice not to get drenched.
but i'll backtrack. the train ride was boring, cramped, and absolutely fantastic because i got to have a bed all to myself, and a room with a door, and a shower down the hall, and a real [looking] meal served in a different car at a table with a real [looking] plate and real [looking] silverware and everything. i think i'd like to travel by train forever. it was wonderful. except i think us being let on was a fluke of some sort, the apparent age restriction being one million years or older, no exceptions, plus the two tickets cost us about 650 dollars. so much for "costing the same as a plane ticket".
i narrowly escaped the mystery death sickness that was taking 560 by storm when we left, thank god. quentin, who i was sure was contaminated, very generously took us to the train station in kevin's car, which i was also sure was contaminated, but i'd been inhaling thyme like it was oxygen and drinking gallons of echinacea tea before i left so i got out unscathed. imagine having westcott death on a 56 hour train ride, no thanks.

Upon arrival in Chicago the next morning, we were told our layover would be four hours, and that our sleeper-car tickets granted us access to the First Class Lounge. WELL.
Since our layover was so long, we were walking around the city exploring, Christian in his mismatched secondhand clothes, with his unshaven face and dirty hair, I in my leggings with the legs different lengths, a scarf tied around my waist, orange hat and orange gloves, both of us looking especially homeless, and we were approached by another homeless man who needed a place to sleep that night, and understandably assumed that we would be the experts on such subjects. First Class Lounge, athankyou.

But we saw the Great Lake that's on the edge of Chicago (Superior? Who knows, it was nine blocks away from the train station), and got Chicago deep dish pizza (twice. in four hours. bleurgh), and sat sipping free soda in the First Class Lounge while we puzzled over what the hell we were going to do with our bags, which weighed about forty pounds a-piece, no joke.
We ended up gutting them on the train. I had to throw out a lot of clothing and a bag of medicine. I learned my lesson about overpacking, throwing all that perfectly good stuff away was painful. We couldn't bring ourselves to throw out the medicine so we put it all into a ziploc bag and left it on a park bench, hoping someone who needed it would find it. Probably it got thrown out but at least we tried.
We met lots of interesting people on the train: there was a mother and daughter from Sioux City, Iowa. They had golden retrievers and reported mysterious smells in Sioux City of which nobody seemed to know anything about, except that the smells were bad. We met a couple who were quite blatantly talking dirty to each other across the table from us, but either they thought we couldn't hear them, or that we were too young to understand what was going on (tee-hee). I like to pretend they were running away together, because they were talking REALLY DIRTY to each other, but probably they were just recently remarried or revamping their marriage or something or other. But let's pretend they were having an affair, it's more fun :D
The sleeper-car train ride was beautiful and depressing, alternately. We rode through the Midwest and there was so much desolation and short brown grass and trees with their sparse leaves like burned pieces of paper holding on for dear life to the branches, and we saw the backs of warehouses and mobile homes and I thought of the poor families who had to live in those brown and gray sad places right, RIGHT next to the train tracks with the dirty dusty trains coming by every few hours to shake the picture frames off their walls. Blech. It made me want to knock down those ugly yellowing warehouses with their orange fluorescent lighting and all their trash blowing around.
After the flat brown ickiness of the Midwest (no offense Claire & Bev ;D), we went through the Rockies, which was gorgeous, but almost made everything doubly depressing because it was so, so beautiful, but suddenly seemed very very temporary. I feel like these developers and corporations and factories are these big Pacmans, and they're really good at Pacman, and I'm the stupid little ghost, and everything's being eaten all up faster than anyone can stop it. I know what I saw on the train was in all likelihood the asshole of the Midwest (sorry), but still, I never realized how untouched and pristine New York State seems compared to other parts of this country. Even in California the land is being eaten up by housing developments and whatnot. Up in the mountains where my grandparents live, the ground is littered with rocks. The rock, according to my Grandma, is where the ground had been exposed during the Gold Rush, where miners washed away the soil looking for the gold, and left thousands upon thousands of boulders just sort of standing there with stupid looks on their faces. BUT THERE ARE LLAMAS :D

Anyway. After a very relaxing and well-fed two weeks with my grandparents, tomorrow kicks off the real first leg of the journey. Christian's been down in San Francisco for two weeks, and has managed to stay out of harm's way, except that his bag was stolen in Golden Gate Park this weekend. bye bye expensive tent, all our first aid stuff, his W2 (complete with social security number), birth certificate and clothing. Ouch.
Miss you all. There's an ice storm heading for New York AS WE SPEAK. drive carefully, i expect you all to be there alive and well when we get back.
I had some pictures for you but they failed to upload. Wanh wanh.