You came and lay a cold compress upon the mess I'm in, 

threw the window wide and cried, "Amen! Amen! Amen!" 

The whole world stopped to hear you hollering, 

you looked down and saw now what was happening.

The lines are fading in my kingdom, though I have never known the way to border them in

So the muddy mouths of baboons and sows and the grouse and the horse and the hen 

grope at the gate of the looming lake that was once a tidy pen. 

and the mail is late and the great estates are not lit from within, 

the talk in town's becoming downright sickening

In due time we will see the far butte lit by a flare
I've seen your bravery, and I will follow you there
And row through the nighttime
Gone healthy, gone healthy all of a sudden
In search of the midwife who could help me, 

who could help me, help me find my way back in, 

and there are worries where I've been

Say, say, say in the lee of the bay; don't be bothered
Leave your troubles here where the tugboats shear the water from the water
(Flanked by furrows, curling back, like a match held up to a newspaper)
Emily, they'll follow your lead by the letter
And I make this claim, and I'm not ashamed to say I know you better
What they've seen is just a beam of your sun that banishes winter

Let us go! Though we know it's a hopeless endeavor
The ties that bind, they are barbed and spined and hold us close forever
Though there is nothing would help me come to grips with a sky that is gaping and yawning
There is a song I woke with on my lips as you sailed your great ship towards the morning

Emily, Joanna Newsom

Bank Woes.

Recently I was swindled out of $175 big ones... $70 of which went to PROCESSING FEES. First of all, HSBC's slogan is "The World's Local Bank!" and they have literally three branches/ ATMs on the West Coast, which put us in an extremely irritating position for those three tent-filled months in California. Secondly, I am not supposed to be able to overdraw. Thirdly, every time I go in I can see their scales poking out of the top of the zippers of their human costumes, which is just gross and also bad showmanship.

Here is a brief re-enactment of my adultyish banking career
Me: "Hello there, Mr. Banker. I have just turned eighteen and would like to open a checking account at your fine establishment."
Banker: "Blarghghdhfdhghghhghghg hissssssssss"
Me: "A Student Checking Account? Sounds wonderful! But... no interest?"
Banker: "Harrhghghhfhfhghhgh"
Me: "Instead of earning interest, I won't be able to overdraw my account? Sounds wonderful!!"
Banker: "Mlarrghghghhhhhghghhhh :E"
Me: "Haha, okay! Have a wonderful day!"
Banker: "Blargggg"
Three Years Later
Internet Banking: "!!!!!!!NEGATIVE $175 IN YOUR ACCOUNT!!!! YOU OVERDREW FIVE DOLLARS!!!!!! AND WE WAITED TO PROCESS THESE OTHER PURCHASES SO NINE MILLION MORE FEES!!!!!!!! AND NO SOUP FOR YOU!"
Me: "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!"

Long story short, I overdrew my account, marched to the bank to demand it be taken off, and the banker sat me down and told me that it's time to grow up, that when I graduate from college and find a real job then maybe I would stop overdrawing my account. Then he tried to make me feel bad, telling me that he couldn't give me back the money he STOLE from me because it directly affected the branch. I asked him if it came out of his paycheck or the paycheck of any of the other employees working at that HSBC. He said, "Technically, no, it doesn't affect my paycheck at all but.." that money goes toward his yearly bonus. And all the while sitting there in his Armani suit with his painstakingly styled and gelled frat boy bedhead hairstyle.. breathing fire... acting like my grandfather when he couldn't have been more than nine years older than I am.

A Highlight
Banker: "You know, we're really trying to move away from clients like you."
Me: "........Doesn't it benefit the bank when I overdraw?"
Banker: "Well. Yes. But..."

Evil scummy bastards.

Maybe I'll wrap my cat up in a baby blanket and go back in there and make him feel REALLY bad about refusing to give me my money back even though I told him I couldn't afford food, or gas to get to work this week.

i am hungry

backyard this morning

BY the way. Vajazzling? WTF?

http://nyc.lifebooker.com/getloot/vajazzling

okay. this is where i draw the line. shaving, fine. waxing, whatever. tie-dyed pubic hair, awesome. but this? this is just nonsense. i refuse to believe people would actually pay someone to hot glue rhinestones to their vagina. if more than no people actually have this done i will scream and burn down garbo's.

catchy name though. vajazzling. kind of like appethaizing. enjoy your pad thai! theenks.

the soil in my yard made my hands smell like vinegar.
tonight i saw a ghost on the highway and it surprised me so much i stopped short in the middle of 81, was almost rear-ended and my ghostly pally was swallowed up by the light of passing cars. this is the second thing like this in two months (if you don't count that trippy car ride home in the fog a few weeks ago but everything looked like a ghost that night). i hope that chiricahuan apparition hasn't followed me back here to ghost central, ny to hang with all its buddies, although i suppose i would understand.

right now my entire life here in syracuse feels like the end - tying up loose ends, no new beginnings, just finishings. it doesn't feel bad; instead i feel calm - the hardest part is over, after all. it's strange to feel this way in spring, in the deepening green of the grass as the leaves poke their heads out so fast you could almost sit and watch their childhoods unfold in the space of one sunny afternoon.
it's nice to be able to enjoy these things without feeling like a beatup tree myself, waiting for the rain and my hair to grow back. one winter away and i'm not sure i can ever endure another.

actually i'm amazed at how calm i am, life has been pretty much a total shit show since i've been back. things don't seem so bad when you've got your own bed to sleep in.

 

pick

ada, i can hear the sound of your laugh through the wall

*not taken by me

I'm starting a garden. I have: yarrow, rosemary, sage, lemon thyme, violas and a wormwood plant that has been nothing but trouble from day one.

The other night I drove home in the rain, pouring rain hitting my windshield when suddenly it stopped, the road was dry, I thought I was insane. I had a dream the fog turned purple and swirled and Orion was flickering on and off in the sky above me, a sure sign of strange things to come.